It’s that time of year that’s full of promise and potential.  The chaos of Christmas is behind me and the new year looms on the horizon.  I spend much of my time in eager anticipation of all that will surely transform me when the calendar turns its page.

But here’s the thing–

It never does.

I never wake up a newer, shinier version of myself on January 1st.  (Truth be told, I’ve often woken up a worse version of myself after a night of celebrating, but that’s another story….)  I never rise from bed with thoughts and behaviors that are radically different than they were the day before.

There is no magic on January 1st.

But this final week of the year is a good time to reflect and reevaluate.  It’s a good time to set intentions, to let go and to grab on, to take stock, to count my blessings and cut my losses, to acknowledge the changes, both good and not so good, because I’m not the same person I was a few years ago, or even the same person I was 11 months and 29 days ago.

And the changes that happened weren’t delivered to me with glitter and fairy dust on the first day of the year.  The changes happened when I made intentional, often faltering steps toward a better version of me.  The changes happened when I allowed the mistakes I made to be lessons learned instead of definitive identifiers of who I am.  They happened when I sat alone with myself, looked around at all I had created and said, “Now what?”  And then I answered my own question.

The changes started with me.

And so it is with the new year upon me.  I am taking a look around at all the past twelve months have shown me and asking myself, “Now what?”.  I’m heading in the direction of the person I was created to be.  I don’t know for certain who that person is, but I do know that I will fall down on the journey to her.  Frequently.  But I’ll get back up, dust myself off, and take the next right step.

Every.single.time.

I’m stumbling toward myself, and owning every step.