My baby is launching.
It’s exciting and terrifying and promising and sad and exhilarating.
For all of us.
I’m not going to lie and say that my kids are the most tight knit siblings that have ever been, but they do have a bond. They are very different people and their relationship is complicated and slippery and sometimes tense, but I know without a doubt that they would take a bullet for each other. When push comes to shove, they will always have each other’s back. They’ve proven this time and again.
Like with this letter Kayla wrote to Noah as he heads to college:
You made it!! I don’t want to sound cliche but I am so proud of the person you’ve become. I have been incredibly lucky to have you as a brother and could not have asked for a better person to grow up with. As you go to college, I want to give you some advice that I wish I had known and followed my freshman year — from one college student to another!
- You don’t have to be best friends with everyone. The first year in the dorms it’ll feel like your only choice is to hang out with the first person you meet just because they’re there. And yes, at first this works while you’re finding your group of people, but don’t waste your time with someone you don’t like all that much, there will be others!
- It might take a while to find your people. On social media it looks like everyone is constantly doing fun things and maybe you’re just sitting in your dorm because you haven’t found your group of core friends, but be patient. You’ll find people you like everywhere: the dorms, classes, any activity you join and even just mutual friends. It might not happen instantaneously–I am finally just starting to find my people! But they’re worth the wait and you’re not doing anything wrong if you don’t find them right away.
- People probably aren’t having as much fun as it looks like they are on social media— especially the first year! People try to convince everyone that they’re having as much fun in college as everyone else, so don’t believe everything you see on social media.
- Say yes as much as possible (to the safe things.) I made the mistake of putting school before virtually everything my first few years, and sometimes this meant I missed out on various fun things I could have done. And while yes, sometimes it is important to get your school work done (please don’t fail out 😉 ), it’s more important to make memories. Say yes, go out and have a good time – and don’t miss out on any opportunities to make memories.
- Start your projects early. Seriously, there is nothing worse than waiting until the night before and then having a panic attack because of the stress and lack of sleep. Start a week early, even if it’s just brain storming. You won’t regret it.
- Call Mom and Dad at least once a week. They miss us, and I think you’ll be surprised at how much you’ll miss them. And that’s okay. It’s hard to leave home and it will be an adjustment. You might feel scared or anxious, or both. But that’s normal, and calling Mom always makes me feel better.
- Ask for help when you need it. Don’t try to do it all on your own. You can always call me, Mom, Dad, or any of your friends from home to help you out. Not asking for help can lead to situations where you feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. It’s not weakness to ask for help!
- It’s okay to be scared shitless. College is one of the most confusing, wonderful, strangest times of your life, and sometimes you’re going to feel like everything is spiraling out of control and you don’t have any control of any aspect of your life. This is completely expected and I would be worried if you did feel like you have it all together. Remember that no one else knows what they’re doing either. You’re all in the same boat. It’ll all work out in the future.
- Work hard. Yes, college is for drinking, making friends and having a good time, but remember that you’re also there to get to a career path for the rest of your life. It’ll be extremely important to stay on top of your work, study before tests and get in touch with your professors.
- Make connections with professors. Go to their office hours, ask questions before/after class, and just chat with them! I love all of my professors and having those good relationships means that sometimes they’ll help you out with an assignments, or be a little lenient at the end of the semester with their grading! I’ve even had professors write me letters of recommendation for jobs. Plus they’re just all around cool people for the most part.
- You’re going to be just fine. Like I’ve already said, sometimes you’re going to be overwhelmed and feel helpless, but I know you and I know you can figure out any situation life throws at you. You’ve got the skills, resources and people supporting you to do anything you want to put your mind to. You’re a great kid and you’ll move mountains on this planet.
- You can call me for anything, anytime, anywhere. I’ll always answer a call from you and help you out in any situation you may find yourself in. I want you to succeed and be the best version of you. And I’ve been around the college block a few times, so please call me whenever you need anything, ever.
I love you, baby brother! I hope this advice helps you a little bit as you go out on this next big journey. I am thrilled to see where college takes you and hear about all the memories you are making. It’s going to be scary and hard and overwhelming sometimes, but Noah, it is going to be such a beautiful, fun, exciting adventure. Don’t forget your roots, go to God when you need him, call me for anything, and play hard but work harder.
Never doubt your ability. You are amazing.
And this, my friends, is what it’s all about.
All the arguing, all the bickering, all the tattling, all the times I said, “You guys work it out” (and they did)….
This is why we do it.
Because they have each other’s back, even when we don’t see it.
Untangled 