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Slow Sundays

~ Michelle Johnson ~ Leave a comment

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Today was full of busy-ness.  Chores, laundry, yard work, planning and preparing for the week ahead. Church then dinner out.  It felt the same as any other day of the week, and I’d like to change that.

I’m thinking about initiating Slow Sundays in our house.  A day of rest, the way it was intended.  A day for reading, spending time together, going for walks and being outside, and for taking time to pause before the new week begins.  A Sabbath.

I have a couple of books on the Sabbath waiting to be read.  Perhaps now is the time to pick one up and see how it fits into our life.  Things are moving and changing so quickly right now, and my soul is craving space to breathe, space to just be.

I don’t think that will naturally happen on its own.  We have been trained to fill up any dead time with activity and purpose.  It is a badge of honor to have more things to do than can be done, to go to bed too late and wake up too early, to walk into any meeting or appointment late and breathless, pridefully apologizing for all that we are trying to juggle.

I will have to be intentional about carving out time for slowness and be purposeful about what that time looks like while being mindful that it doesn’t feel like another box to check off the list.

I will have to remind myself that even God Himself took a day to rest.

Today I choose:  gratitude.

Around Here

~ Michelle Johnson ~ Leave a comment

Around here life looks like this right now:

I am planning and prepping for Noah’s graduation and grad party.  Some of it fun, some of it is emotional, most of it is stressful.

Kiki is finishing up spring semester but won’t be coming home for the summer.  She will be taking classes and working in Eau Claire. I’m going to miss having my adventure buddy but am so thankful to see her thrive.

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She is also interviewing for a paid internship that will also count as her student teaching.  Fingers crossed!

Noah is in the homestretch of his senior year.  I’m so proud of him for so many reasons.  I think he’s feeling the stress and worry of leaving home next year but he doesn’t want to talk about it, at least to me.

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I’m pondering what I want my 47th trip around the sun to look like and what changes I need to make to align me heart and my home.

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Bruce and Kiki are finishing up training for their second Eau Claire Half Marathon.

We are all adjusting to the new cat I brought home, some of us better than others.  🙂

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We are tossing around the idea of going away this year over Christmas. Maybe St. Maarten.

With no more hockey and a calendar that’s more open than it’s ever been, Bruce and I are figuring out what this new season of life will look like.  You can only see so many movies.

I’m feeling antsy and unsettled, but that’s typical of me for this time of year. It will pass. I’m learning to give myself grace and allow myself to let go of some self-imposed expectations during times when they don’t fit my life.

I volunteered to host a group of women in my home for Bible Study.  We have been meeting at church since September in a larger group setting and have bonded quite well. I’m excited to see where this leads.

Life is feeling both more stable and more uncertain than ever, but in a less frightening way than in the past.  The unknown seems almost thrilling, like a book that you can’t wait to get home and read.

This is a good place we’re in.

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Overcommitting, Underachieving, and the Journey Toward Peace

~ Michelle Johnson ~ Leave a comment

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I did it again.  I overcommitted myself.  It seems to happen every year in January and September.

Both months feel like fresh starts to me:  January because it’s a new year full of promise and potential, and September because it’s when the kids go back to school and the days get shorter, the weather starts to cool and I feel like I’m ready to settle back into myself, cozy and scheduled, leaving behind the frenzied activity of summer when we try to fit a year’s worth of outside time into three months.

And what ends up happening, almost without fail, is that I overcommit myself.  I plan projects, enroll in courses, make lists and goals and notes about what I’d like to do.  I start strong — structured days, pregnant with busy-ness, a flurry of beginning all the things.  But after a few weeks, almost without fail, I burn out. I cannot keep up with all to which I have committed, so everything gets only about 60% of me.  Projects are started but not finished, course homework lies on the kitchen island, only half completed, new nutrition plans fall by the wayside because I remember that I don’t really like cooking.

I am trying to do it differently this year. I am inviting in peace, and part of that invitation means allowing myself grace when I fall short of who (I think) I want to be, allowing myself to rest in the space I occupy right now instead of always pulling my life taut like a bow, preparing to launch myself into a better future, because, more often than not, the bow breaks and I crash to the ground further back than where I began.

But I did it again anyway.  I overcommitted myself this month.  It’s hard to resist all the twinkle and glow that bombards me in the weeks leading up to the new year.  Surely if I read this book/eat this food/make this craft/do this project/commit to this group, then I will be worthy/whole/loved/good enough.  But it never works.

But this time is different.  I caught myself in the same pattern: 2 Bible Studies, a 21-day commitment to prayer and fasting (more on that later), a writers’ group, ideas for a new (very) small business, working with a personal trainer, ordering more books from Amazon than I could possibly read in a year, planning a month-long eating plan to reset my system, spending too much time on social media reading about how I can be better in just 5 easy steps….you know the drill, right? So I took a step back and asked myself which of these things was bringing me peace and which were inviting in more stress and feelings of unworthiness.

So I am ever so gently putting aside those things that don’t align with my desire for peace  and giving my whole self  to things which matter most to me. Maybe I will come back to these things at a later date when they can better serve me, or maybe they will be permanently left behind, like spare parts that just took up space.

I am taking control and defining what I want my life to look like and pointing my compass in that direction.  I am reminding myself that there is no one on this earth to whom I need to prove myself.  I am pushing back and laying claim to my place in this world.  And in this place where I plant my flag, there will be peace.  

 

Currently reading:  Grace: A Novel by Natashia Deon

Currently listening to:  Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert

Currently loving:  Diffusing Christmas Spirit + Orange essential oils by Young Living.